Five years ago today I boarded an airplane. Five years ago today I said good-bye to the Netherlands, the people and to my mission. Five years ago today I never could have dreamed that I would be back here.
This time it is different. I can stay up late and sleep in. I don't have to wait for Mothers Day or Christmas to talk to my family. I watch TV, read fiction, listen to normal music and have my own room. I can go where I want when I want. It is very different from five years ago. But that is how it should be.
I read a talk yesterday by Elder Holland. It is titled, "The Best Is Yet To Be." I have thought a lot about it these last few days. Here are a few quotes that I loved. Or you can just click on the title and it will take you to the entire talk.
"I plead with you not to dwell on days now gone nor to yearn vainly for yesterdays, however good those yesterdays may have been. The past is to be learned from but not lived in...Look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future. Faith always has to do with blessings and truths and events that will yet be efficacious in our lives."
"Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there."
"God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with his help, where you are willing to go."
Don't get me wrong. I loved my mission. It changed me. It was a part of my life that I treasure. But, I don't long to be back on my mission. It is hard, exhausting, disapointing, frustraiting work. But it is also spiritual, exciting, hopeful, wonderful, fun, life (more like eternity) changing work.
As I read this talk I wasn't thinking about my mission. I don't struggle with living back there...although some would argue differently given my current circumstances.
As I read this talk I was thinking about my family and friends that I am missing so bad. I was thinking about my life and all the things that I've been able to see and do. I guess I was also missing the life that I had planned to live after I graduated. How stupid is that? I am living in EUROPE! Thankfully, the thought was fleeting.
I don't wear the tag anymore but I feel like I am on a different kind of mission. A mission to "apprehend that for which Christ apprehended me."
Most of you reading this know all the events and experiences that led me back here. Back to this place that holds so many memories. I am grateful for the opportunity that I have been given to make new ones. I know that there are several purposes for His bringing me back here. Some of them I discovered before my toes ever left American Soil. Some of them I have discovered these last few weeks. I'm sure that several more will be discovered in the future.
I spent a few hours this morning in a beautiful, huge park. I read and pondered and prayed. It was quiet except for a few birds in the trees. I read through one of my old mission journals. And then I pondered my future.
Our past, present and future all connect. One decision leads to another. But I love as the quote above says, "God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with his help, where you are willing to go." I know that I am EXACTLY where I need to be. I hope that I can prove to Him where I am willing to go by actually going (or doing). I know that the only way to truly discover our potential is to allow Him to help us.
He has led me down paths that I never would have chosen for myself. Sometimes I was scared. Sometimes I didn't understand in the moment why. Sometimes it was like a dream come true. But every time I learned, grew and became. As (or maybe better said, "when") I have followed his counsel I have come step by step closer to Him and become more and more like Him.
Knowing this I have no reason to doubt. He will only lead me to those paths that are good for me. Paths that will teach me who I am, who I can be, and how to become that person.
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