My Nauvoo

I have a long list of places and people that I have had to watch get smaller in my rear view mirror (or who have watched me get smaller in their mirror).  Sometimes I was happy for the increasing distance but sometimes each mile broke my heart a little more.  As human beings we live a life full of new beginnings and change.  I like change.  I’m a little addicted to it actually but only when it is on my terms.  I know. 

 

 

The Netherlands is my Nauvoo.  I can’t put to words what those four months meant to me.  It was a time full of adventure, love, friendship, service, travel and discovery.  It was magical.  But then I had to leave and everything that was supposed to come together fell apart.  And then the waiting and the broken promises.  And finally, the realization that I wouldn't be going back and it about killed me. 
 

I don’t know why things didn’t work out when I really felt that they would.  But they didn’t...

And now, 18 months later, here I am.  I haven’t had an “oh, THIS is why I had to leave” moment yet.  Don’t get me wrong, there are so so so many good things about my life right now.  I just don’t know The Big Why.  And maybe there doesn’t have to be.  Maybe it is just the collection of little whys that is worth more than The Big Why.  Maybe I will have to wait until the next life to really know The Why.

What WOULD have happened if the early Saints hadn’t left Nauvoo?  Or more importantly, what WOULDN’T have happened if they hadn’t?  Look at the church now BECAUSE they left.  Sometimes we are afraid to leave when sometimes, we should be afraid to stay.  Sometimes.  Sometimes leaving, even when it hurts, means we are putting something far bigger or far better into motion. 

Thee Saints may have walked away from Nauvoo EMPTY handed, but they didn’t walk away empty.  They walked away more FULL than ever before.  They were endowed with POWER from on high.  They had worked out their standing before God.  They had been molded and shaped and prepared.  They were given an unearthly perspective about life on earth.  They needed every bit of it in order to endure the trials that awaited them on the trails westward.

I don’t claim to understand what life was like for those faithful Saints. They had put everything into building and bettering Nauvoo and then they had to leave it behind.  I can’t imagine what it felt like or hurt like but I think that each of us has a Nauvoo… a place, a person, a dream or an idea that we had to leave behind.  But like them we too never leave empty.  Hopefully, we leave FULL.  Full of Hope.  Full of Faith.  Full of Experience.  Full of Lessons.  Full of Perspective.  Full of Peace.  Full of Love.  Full of POWER.

 

The next time I am asked to leave A Nauvoo I hope that I am strong enough to handle it better.  It is okay to cry and mourn for that which is lost but I hope that it isn’t done without realizing what was gained.  I hope it doesn’t take so long to grieve.  I hope that I won’t be full of doubt and confusion.  I hope that next time I will be able to join in with the millions of voices past, present and future and sing:

 

Come, come, ye saints, no toil nor labor fear;
But with joy wend your way.
Though hard to you this journey may appear,
Grace shall be as your day.
Tis better far for us to strive
Our useless cares from us to drive;
Do this, and joy your hearts will swell -
All is well! All is well!

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell-
All is well! All is well!

We'll find the place which God for us prepared,
Far away, in the West,
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
There the saints, will be blessed.
We'll make the air, with music ring,
Shout praises to our God and King;
Above the rest these words we'll tell -
All is well! All is well!

And should we die before our journey's through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;
With the just we shall dwell!
But if our lives are spared again
To see the Saints their rest obtain,
Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell-
All is well! All is well!

-William Clayton, LDS Hymn #30