The Secrets The Stones Keep

The last several days have passed by in a haze.  Literally. 

Haze [heyz] 

noun

1. an aggregation in the atmosphere of very fine, widely dispersed, solid or liquid particles, or both, giving the air an opalescent appearance that subdues colors.

 At night the sky takes on a reddish hue as the dust is lit up by the city lights.  It is eery and unsettling.

 

The air tastes like dirt and makes my throat ache.  It is thick and heavy.  My eyes have been burning and itching.  During the day the sky is no longer blue but creamy... the exact same color as nearly all of the buildings in Amman.  The sky and the city have merged into one oppressive thing.  

When I first moved here I really didn't like the sameness of every building.  I got lost easily because it was all a blur of off-white stone. It just felt so bland and my senses longed for something to smack them around.  I needed something breathtaking, sharp, vibrant, awe-inspiring.  And I found it.  In the dawning and closing moments of each day the cream color turns to lavender, gold and pink.  The stone soaks up the sun and the whole city is set ablaze.  And in those breath taking, sharp, vibrant, awe-inspiring moments my senses are satisfied.  And they stay that way throughout the day and while I sleep because I now know the secrets the stones keep.  And they share them with me twice a day.  

Stones aren't that different from people.  When given the opportunity, when you allow them to, when you cheer them on, when you believe in them, when you are willing to really look... that is when they truly shine.  They become an explosion of color and depth and mystery and potential.  And if your not looking you will miss it entirely by convincing yourself that there is really nothing worth looking at anyway.

There is also a sort of timelessness in this style of architecture.  New and old structures, detailed and shabby ones all stand side by side without one or the other having to feel out of place or jealous.  They don't have to shove each other out of the way fighting for attention. They get to share space and time without anyone looking twice.  There is something admirable about that. 

I hope that I will never stop looking or holding my breath.  I hope I never dismiss and move on without giving something or someone a chance.  I hope I am brave enough to let go of expectations and embrace the "here".  I hope I will dig deeper and search harder.  I hope I always sit on the edge of my seat in anxious anticipation.  I hope that I will be patient enough to find the beauty in the bland and the light in the darkness.  I hope I will never forget the secrets these stones have shared.  And I hope I never stop listening to hear all those other secrets that are impatiently waiting to be be released.